i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
