sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
