that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
