if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
