She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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