omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sext me about skeletons
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
