this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
