Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
