when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
