never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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