I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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