So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
