1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
