I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
MIDGETS
????
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
