I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
