I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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