From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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