i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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