I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
