He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
