A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
