I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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