Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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