I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ruined the universe
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
