Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
