I look better un-naked...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
