Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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