My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
