New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
