Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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