Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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