saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
