So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
