I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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