shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
