2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
