I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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