Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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