If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
