SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
