Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
