Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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