I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
