I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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