How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
