she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
