Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
