If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
