i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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