Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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