I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
