Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
