Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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