I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
