they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
